U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
