Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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