hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Randomize
