i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
