Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
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