Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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