Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
