oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Acid is not a monday night drug
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Hippo gnu deer
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
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