Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
