i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize