Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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