Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
