even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
