i don't like sucking hair
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
