hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
