Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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