There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
