My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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