I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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