Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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