He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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