fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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