Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
