sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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