i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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