Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
