he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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