I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
