You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Found the puke drawer
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize