i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
