It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
