im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
