I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
His hands were made for my vagina.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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