wanna go halves on a baby?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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