I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
