omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Randomize
