Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
