Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
