there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
