If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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