Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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