I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
