Barsexuality is the new black.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Randomize
