ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize