You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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