I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I'm just crazy horny about you
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
