dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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