It's Friday. Sex?
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
