like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
