I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
