just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
