alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
