I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
