I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
