i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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