i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize