I just cut my nipple shaving
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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