I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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