I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
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