i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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