I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
