Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
did you just send me my own nude
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
