I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize