Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
