went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I love you. Go after that dick
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
