the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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