I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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