my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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