The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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