I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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