That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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