The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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