dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
