dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
