i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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