My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
