Too much gin, very little bucket
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
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