loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
