Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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