I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
