3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
