This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
