My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
