found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
