I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
