Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
My dick has a subreddit
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
