I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
