you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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