Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I love you. Go after that dick
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
