Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
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