i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
