There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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