38 yer olds are good kisserssss
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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