T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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