if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
