Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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