I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
