After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I forget how to act sober
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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