i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize
