she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
