he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
