Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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